defining the power couple

i have vague recollections of intense homo pangs for my middle school classmates and daydreaming about the occasional composite caucasian dude. by the time i started acting out on my fantasies, however i was angry at my uppity white prep schoolers so black men became the objects of my affection. in my early 20s i found fancy with the cuban and puerto rican lot until my hispanic predilections turned continental. my mexican phase was generally followed by a hankering for half-white asians, who look mexican but are culturally more compatible. unfortunately they also tend to be annoying so it made sense that during my recent trips to asia i realized that pure mongoloids define hotness.

recent reflection arose concern that my changing preferences were institutional racism at work. maybe, but the more obvious explanation is that my taste has always reflected my evolving racial identity (and narcissism ;). in asian american studies and liberal arts theoretical masturbation land, nuthin says self-hate like a caucasian bf. sure white people are a mess and lawd knows id feel self conscious skipping down madison avenue alongside my white knight, but im bored with people being personally hurt by who some stranger dates. sure its sad that the majority of asians find the mirrors reflection unattractive and no, its not a coincidence that finding sexy and masculine asian men on tv is still a surprise (thanks, yul!). but who really knows why eugene is dating kyle, and ultimately, why do i care? truth is that some of my asian brothers and sisters will find empowering interracial unions whereas others just want their orifices colonized. i bid everyone good luck and gods speed.

why are whiteys the only unempowering complement anyway? unlike us, black and latino guys are cast as super sexual and masculine. thats racist but it still suggests that the only purely politically righteous coupling is two asians... unless one of em is japanese, of course. in the end im upset by the illness but uninterested in the symptoms. instead of flashing stink eye at 'bad asians' time is better spent discouraging asian men from affirming their masculinity through an ill-fitting (white) paradigm.

truth is, on average asian guys are shorter and slimmer than most blacks, whites and latinos. on average we are less hairy, have softer skin and smaller dicks. the dominant paradigm classifies all of these characteristics as less masculine. in response many of us abandon hope and become campy cariacatures or we flirt with the other extreme and worship the gym until we look bubbly, weird and transparently insecure. as a gay asian-ish man who identifies strongly as both gay and a man but who isnt particularly small, smooth or soft, i think medium-sized, smooth and soft guys are - stop the presses - irresistibly hot. instead of mutating our bodies to fit anothers ideal can we do the ironically easier thing and aspire for something that appreciates our natural state? confidence is alluring. when we start finding ourselves hot others will too.

in my experience self-perception and defining whats hot (physical and not) are interrelated and are moving targets. date, fuck and cohabitate with who you want. as you indulge in your reflexive desires however consider your patterns (racial and otherwise) to see whats empowering vs narcissistic or overcompensating? whats self-hate vs happenstance? if you do this, then i wont feel responsible to do it for you. healthy relationships contribute to making happy, confident and mature adults who simultaneously empower themselves and their people while not taking others dating preferences personally. its cold outside and spooning generates remarkable heat, so get to it!