oh canada

you already know this, but theres something funny about canada- most notably, the pretending to be british. the accent (minnesota collides with a seven timezone-evolved queens english), labour, favour and practise, governmental offices referencing 'royal' and 'crown,' and pics of someone elses high falutin on your money. whats with canucks talking too much and the fact they just ooze with insecurity about their nations relevance in the world? since i know not the basic framework of the commonwealth, i proudly display my american igno-arrogance. but you do this to us, canada. your insecure holier-than-thou attitude forces us WMA (well meaning americans) to become the obnoxious stereotype you love to hate.

no, really, i know canada is better. sure, you also tried to kill off all your indigenous peoples (not as successfully as we did), there are no black people (mistake or by design?), but homos can wed, marijuana wafts down robson unencumbered and no one accuses you of neo-colonialism.

plus, your left coast gem, vancouver, is so great. just prior to xties fellowship in the philippines and my move to chicago, we took a quick wknd trip up north to america jrs third city. after a wonderful weekend spent grazing at granville island (makes pike place seem quaint), admiring your skyline of practical urban density, riding bikes around the spectacular stanley park (perhaps one of the worlds greatest examples of urban parkland), and walking about in historic gastown, the west coasts 2nd largest chinatown (after sf), and the strangely all-caucasian kitsilano/4th ave district, im kicking maself for not making regular pilgrimages to this wonderfully international and cosmopolitan city.

a recent my life theme has been lamenting a tendency to stay holed up in my apartment or hotel room instead of exploring my environs. thankfully, this habit is passing, and trips like this one make me hope to minimize future regret by taking the time to explore the folks and sights around me.

seatown sayonara

i booked my tickets outta dodge today. on june 16 i bow deeply and bid sayonara to the emerald city. ive done my best to string along pitstops to connect old home to my new (temporary) diggs:

sea-->chi (for zozo's bday)
-->la (for kac leadership conference and fun)
-->stl (for speaking engagement and a lil pride)
-->atl (unless my girl cindy aint there)
-->chi (to live for a bit.)

in typical form im not reacting emotionally to my departure (yet). perhaps in its place is my familiar relief at the prospect of being thousands of miles away from my closest friends. i should work on this detachment stuff. id say i was lonely, but that would mean i longed to be with other people, right?

folks responses have been interesting. it seems like the default response to naming your new locale is 'wow, ive always wanted to live there!' or sumting along those lines. cant say chicago elicits much more than 'oh, really? why there?' from seattles coastal snobs. why the lack o love for americas #3 city on the big lake?

well, time to get crackin on all the rigamarole involved with moving... selling my place, packing, heightened sexual activity and making time to do or re-do all those seattle things ill miss: sunbathing on the west seattle riviera (alki), lunching at thai thom, camping on the coast, and chang bangin it one more time.

hybrid bear: good eatin?

jesus, please bless my inspired friends booga and chickpea for passing along this article about a half-grizzly, half-polar bear shot in nunavut, canada. (geez, so timely given my last post!)

dna tests said the bear had 'a polar bear for a mother and a grizzly bear for a father.' sure, theyve been successfully crossed in zoos before (why?), but this could be the first reported case in the wild. that said, colin adjun, a local wildlife officer, described reports of a bear on the cross-specie tundra prowl in the past. 'it was a light chocolate color along with a couple of polar bears.' slut.

as mentioned, zoo couplings have shown that polar/grizzly half-breeds can procreate, unlike their typically sterile mule (donkey + horse), liger (lion+tiger), beefalo (cow + bison), wolphin (orca + dolphin) and cama (camel + llama) cousins. more hybrid animal photos here.

these clever names are brought to us by the portmanteau method, which names these frankenbeasts by combining the parent species' names. since the traits of hybrid offspring typically vary according to whos mom and whos dad, dads specie name goes first with mommys to follow (eg a 'liger' vs. a 'tigon'). in your excitement, however, do not confuse these beasts with chimera or the wild world of hybrid horticulture... plants (eg boysenberries, tangelos and ugli fruit) hybridize much more easily, but thats a posting for another day.

back to our poor grizpo bear. in a tale reminiscent of the popular tragic mulatto films of the early 20th century, i can imagine this poor exotic thang drifting in-between the grizzly and polar bear worlds until, out alone in the cruel cold, and blinded by her own bitter tears, she wanders into a hunter's gunsight and is shot dead. you know, i wouldnt be surprised if she shot herself. snif.

single asian-ish male

my post-asia blues persist. sure, nostalgia and melancholy are inevitable upshots when vast open prairies of free time replace a hectic work life... especially since i can only play sim city for so many, many hours. but it still dont feel so good and reminds me why i kept so busy over the years.

i realized a modest change to my typical day today. making fake cities has replaced my once considerable porn intake. is this a good thing? what hasnt changed is my other habit of cruising homo personal sites for prospective mankubs. tho im not particularly lookin for love right now, i find handsome thumbnail photos with carefully crafted blurbs irresistible. although i long avoided match.com... skeptical if a hetero site could do homos justice, the promise of a free, 3-day trial and my impending move to chicago were reasons enough to search for qualified men.

as i began my review of 4 pages of possible matches, i saw a familiar and sad pattern. most asian guys (most guys generally) won't consider asian men for dates or mates. im no stranger to hearing sad/frustrated/angry/bitter men and women of color lamenting interracial dating and 'out'-marriage. ive heard all of the reasons why its good or bad, and, as the product of a cross-cultural coupling maself, i know its all true. but being biracial means that even masturbation is an act of interracial intimacy. how could i be anti-miscegenation?

no doubt its mildly insulting when anyone doesn't return our doe-eyed gaze. but i remind myself that people are entitled to their predilections, and chances are someone who makes blanket prohibitions against dating by race probably isnt my kind of guy anyway. (maybe theyll consider me if i admit im only half? i kid.) my frustration is more about growing up asian in a society that tells us that were the least desirable 'race' and how stereotypes of asian men unnecessarily keep emasculating our future generations. its this basic injustice more than the personal insult that bugs me.

oh well. one more reason to live in asia, where, much like an oriental lake woebegon, the men are strong, masculine and above average.

just because im petty, ive lifted some snippets from the profiles of asian guys on match.com who caught my eye, but whose profiles banned me and other asian guys from dates. (text in parentheses is for clarification purposes only.):

"Life can be quite a ride but I try to be always open-minded (unless its about the race of my date, which must be white.)"

"Although I am very content with being single, I am starting to realize that life could be more meaningful when there is (a white) someone that I can share it with."

"In my Mr. Right, I value a kind (white) heart, (white) confidence but not arrogance (impossible?), a quick (white) wit and a good sense of (white) humor, and a nice (white) smile."

"Cute, smart and unbashfully [sic] sarcastic guy boldly apporaching [sic] the big 3-0 with confidence and pride. (but without spellcheck. and the confidence and pride does not extend to my race.)

my very favorite with no adulteration necessary:

"First off, I am NOT fresh off the boat (i.e. sucky, sucky, five dolla! Me love you long time!). Next, I feel that it's important that you all know that I have a trick jaw and no gag reflexes."

whoa. now i aint a psychologist or nuthin, but theres sumthin sad goin on here.

nihonville and j-po nostalgia

my relationship with nihons and nihonville has been somewhat strained since... well... since millenia of hard feelings were passed to me in utero.

oppressors rarely get it, and nihons dont know no different. my bitter quips about colonization are always met with puzzled silence or something akin to 'youre not a slave and im not a slavemaster.' thanks for the update.

but my soulmate just happens to be a tokyo-bred half japa, which complicates things. j-po thinks im overly analytical and nostalgic, but shes the real softy, deceptively packaged in an exquisite wild dragon lady veneer.

ive long maintained that i let my insecurity sabotage our level 1 love. she is conspicuously silent on the matter. now that shes back in japan, seemingly lost forever, i lament our many missteps.

all said, reunion 2006 was a wonderful success. she was her typically guarded self, which i took personally for a couple seconds. then whisky and wine and the absurdity of tokyo took us back to that familiar place without pretense. and it just so happens that i really enjoyed tokyo, nihons and all. oh babycakes, you are missed. (see fotos here)

already missing asia long time

my flight landed in seattle a few hours ago to summerlike sunshine and yummy clean blue skies. yet it doesnt feel especially good to be home. perhaps its the hormones having trouble settling in the wake of all this post-travel nuttiness (or the whisky), but i miss asia somethin terrible. of course rejecting seattle at its best confirms what ive known for many months: its time to go.

despite the breathtaking natural beauty and knowing this will always be home, i need more than seatown right now. im arriving home after 2 wks abroad and i dont want to even turn on my phone. while walking up pike st, im grossed out by the emerald citys immaturity and reminded how emasculated asian american men are. sitting here i keep glancing at passers by and i dont like what i see. home feels lonesome.

seoul and tokyo were more different from each other than i expected. seoul still feels like the scrappy older brother with the bigger heart but less polished exterior. but it felt like the sheer absurdity of each megapolis humbled its denizens to consider their collective narrative instead of just their individual ones. with so much room to roam, seattleites easily walk without constantly colliding with each other. personal space left intact, theres this palpable self-absorption that maybe is just american, or not asian... i dunno. its time to make some concrete relocation plans beyond moving to chicago next month. time to nail down what i want and why.

some overweight frat dude (no, its not all muscle) just passed wearing a towel around his waist and flip flops at 20:00.