the great white north

ill keep this quick. im in boston on a work stint, but theres still something unnerving to me about white parents who raise their black adopted children in a totally white environment and whose children (unsurprisingly) view themselves as being outside blackness, rather than simply broadening its definition to include folks like themselves who "act/talk white" and who feel more comfortable around white people than black. no wonder when the only exposure they have to black people and culture is through stereotypes via mtv. i hope adoptive mommy and daddy dont think theyre doing chrissy any favors. oy vey.

too nauseous

i poisoned myself this weekend. i was cajoled to buy the 'real stuff' by the enthusiastic, if questionably sane, washington state liquor control board store employee. he insisted that i purchase 'true' scotch instead of the grain spirit-diluted forgeries. i was too distracted by his teeth and eccentric facial hair to think clearly. i woke up this morning extremely nauseous with virtually no recollection of the night prior. photos on my camera suggest i dropped trou in two venues and triumphantly poured a full beer onto my chest at rplace. i think it was really fun seeing friends, etc... i just dont remember any of it. furthermore, puking 2x at brunch this morning wasnt cool. for future reference im better suited to the cheap imitation grain spirits. ahoy.

winking kissy faces, nipple grabbing, erekson sister dynamics and kk/jb sexual tension, all per usual.

world homo laws

i found this interesting. geez, seems like homo issues are in the news every damn day. click the map to enlarge.

congratulations! (?)

after a few warm sunny days the dirty snow drifts have melted and the sheet of ice on the chicago river is breaking up. praise jesus, spring is (almost) here! warm air smells different and dramatic seasonal changes always put me into nostalgic overdrive. new environments typically trigger heightened awareness of my surroundings. hearing a bird sing today after so many months of cold silence made me smile.

the more reading i do about seoul the more excited i am about relocating there. chatting online with random guys in seoul and peppering them with questions about where i should live and reading seoulite blogs has also helped to make the move more real. in fact yesterday i felt my first tinge of butterflies in my tum. by now i know that theres usually a lag between my rational and emotional reactions, and it looks like the emotional is just starting to register.

one weird thing thats been happening is that people keep telling me 'congratulations' for moving. congrats for what? i havent been appointed ambassador or won a contest. im relocating to a very safe country where i have family and where, if all else fails, i can easily make decent money teaching english. sure, my korean sucks and culture shocks will abound but its not like i have to learn bird or something. i know that some people view moving to another country scary/risky but i guess im continually surprised at how 'risk' averse folks are. worst case scenario? my ass is back in chicago in a coupla months. baby jesus lets hope not.

goal: 24/7 tangerine parties

thanks to mr thich nhat hanh for simple mindfullness meditations over the past couple of weeks. helpful exercises when one is particularly distracted. thanks, sashyama.

get together

before moving to seoul next month im visiting the ole haunts for a few days. to all yall: lets get together for a memorable evening. please join in for one or all of the following:

friday, march 23
8p: low key food, booze and girl talk at the bellora loft
10p: vogueing at viceroy in belltown
1a?: dancing and debauchery into the wee hours on cap hill

id love to see u! (since this may be the last opportunity for a while, this would be a great time to look pretty ;) friends are welcome. rsvp here for directions.

(ps the pic is of daegu, 1954)

effectively single

since age 13, with the exception of about one year, i have always been single. usually i am honest and admit that i prefer it this way, but sometimes im distracted by the hours i spend perusing cute guys online profiles and flirting with them via IM or face-to-face. its fun to recount to family and friends my latest socially and/or physically awkward bout, and these episodes help to create an entertaining story that im actively searching for a partner without luck.

truth is, tonight i come home from a 4th date with a remarkable guy who wants to make an emotional commitment and ive lost interest. at dinner i noticed my telltale sign- i stop making eye contact with him. his general greatness makes my reluctance more obvious and reminds me that im not looking for a boyfriend. i dont want a partner, or, specificially, im unwilling to give up whatever part(s) of me thats necessary for a relationship to work. do i congratulate myself for so effectively avoiding what i dont want, or perhaps i should figure out what it is about a relationship that freaks me out so much.

race and pronouns

mixed? get over yourself.

for the past few months i noticed something funny. when referring to 'asian,' 'asian americans,' 'koreans,' 'caucasoids,' 'homos,' 'mixed,' 'people of color,' etc. i seem to curiously avoid first-person pronouns for all of them. hmmm it must be because im beyond race and have become colorblind. har har. in any case, i guess peeking into the world of subsconsciously identification is interesting.

measuring mood

its been 2 months since i started daily measurements of my mood and im disappointed to report that im less happy than i would have guessed. undiagnosed ocd is the best kind.