first stop: zuzu turns one

a day after booking my flights out of seattle and around the usa, i ponied up the extra $50 to change my sea->lax flight to a sea->chi flight in order to attend my niece's first bday. i had tried to save some money, justifying my absence on the fact ill be her part time nanny in no time. but guilt took over and here i am for just over 24 hours.

my sister and bro-in-law have orchestrated quite a fun party, complete with a new sandbox, kiddie pool, yummy food and five fellow babies from her play group. its a lil awkward being here since family from both sides is in town and i havent seen my wee zuzu in a few months. im feeling a bit detached from her and my social anxiety tendencies are popping up... nobody wants the risk of being shunned by a baby. but seeing her now im realizing just how spunky she really is. its also good to be here to drop off some gear before two weeks on the outside and then my triumphant return for a coupla months. i feel like im coming here with a healthy anxiety about how things will turn out. for now, anyway, i am comfortable with not knowing whats next. that said, i think the time will soon come when i need to either embrace a longer term transitory state or work towards concrete plans. the ambivalence will inevitably get old.