single asian-ish male

my post-asia blues persist. sure, nostalgia and melancholy are inevitable upshots when vast open prairies of free time replace a hectic work life... especially since i can only play sim city for so many, many hours. but it still dont feel so good and reminds me why i kept so busy over the years.

i realized a modest change to my typical day today. making fake cities has replaced my once considerable porn intake. is this a good thing? what hasnt changed is my other habit of cruising homo personal sites for prospective mankubs. tho im not particularly lookin for love right now, i find handsome thumbnail photos with carefully crafted blurbs irresistible. although i long avoided match.com... skeptical if a hetero site could do homos justice, the promise of a free, 3-day trial and my impending move to chicago were reasons enough to search for qualified men.

as i began my review of 4 pages of possible matches, i saw a familiar and sad pattern. most asian guys (most guys generally) won't consider asian men for dates or mates. im no stranger to hearing sad/frustrated/angry/bitter men and women of color lamenting interracial dating and 'out'-marriage. ive heard all of the reasons why its good or bad, and, as the product of a cross-cultural coupling maself, i know its all true. but being biracial means that even masturbation is an act of interracial intimacy. how could i be anti-miscegenation?

no doubt its mildly insulting when anyone doesn't return our doe-eyed gaze. but i remind myself that people are entitled to their predilections, and chances are someone who makes blanket prohibitions against dating by race probably isnt my kind of guy anyway. (maybe theyll consider me if i admit im only half? i kid.) my frustration is more about growing up asian in a society that tells us that were the least desirable 'race' and how stereotypes of asian men unnecessarily keep emasculating our future generations. its this basic injustice more than the personal insult that bugs me.

oh well. one more reason to live in asia, where, much like an oriental lake woebegon, the men are strong, masculine and above average.

just because im petty, ive lifted some snippets from the profiles of asian guys on match.com who caught my eye, but whose profiles banned me and other asian guys from dates. (text in parentheses is for clarification purposes only.):

"Life can be quite a ride but I try to be always open-minded (unless its about the race of my date, which must be white.)"

"Although I am very content with being single, I am starting to realize that life could be more meaningful when there is (a white) someone that I can share it with."

"In my Mr. Right, I value a kind (white) heart, (white) confidence but not arrogance (impossible?), a quick (white) wit and a good sense of (white) humor, and a nice (white) smile."

"Cute, smart and unbashfully [sic] sarcastic guy boldly apporaching [sic] the big 3-0 with confidence and pride. (but without spellcheck. and the confidence and pride does not extend to my race.)

my very favorite with no adulteration necessary:

"First off, I am NOT fresh off the boat (i.e. sucky, sucky, five dolla! Me love you long time!). Next, I feel that it's important that you all know that I have a trick jaw and no gag reflexes."

whoa. now i aint a psychologist or nuthin, but theres sumthin sad goin on here.