the joy of flying

heres a report on the oft-bemoaned state of us air travel. i just returned on american airlines #1400 from lax to ord. first off, there wasnt a seat to spare. second, despite the 4 hour duration, they didnt even give us pretzels, tho they were pleased to offer us complimentary beverage service (rad!) and the opportunity to buy a snickerdoodle cookie for $3. third, for $2 i could have purchased headphones (ours to keep!) to watch renee zellwiger playing a hallucinating bunny-drawing lady in what appears to be the worst movie ever made.

the best part of my flight however was the strong and unmistakable smell of human urine around (on?) my seat. i maxed out the air stream above my seat in the only somewhat successful attempt to push the pee aroma elsewhere. in case #1 wasnt enough a persistent fart stench kept wafting my way. at home such an odor has me asking my niece if she has a bumbum in her diaper. i fantasized about standing up and announcing, 'whoever it is, stop farting. the bathroom is 2 rows away, you disgust me!' i have no idea why writing that made me think of forrest whitakers performance of idi amin in 'the last king of scotland'. whatever, im embracing it.