3 encounters with fear

nafees
i wandered a few blocks down a dusty road until my path was blocked by an impassable jam of cars, tuktuks, mopeds, humans and animals. i thought the scene might make for a good snapshot. as i pulled out my camera a young man told me to put it away, lest it attract theives. immediately i tried to decode his scam while accepting his extended hand and warm smile. he introduced himself as nafees and asked me where i was from and where i was going. i told him i was american and looking for some lunch. he led me to an open air restaurant of sorts where a bare hand placed yellow rice, chapati and tasty lentil curry onto my plate. i was happy to sit and eat despite assuming that a sales pitch was about to begin. looking up from my food nafees was beaming and proceded to say that he loved meeting foreigners, that he was the youngest of four sons, that his family was poor but he did not seek my charity. finally, he levied his one request: could i please mail him a postcard from the states? most of the other travellers who had made similar commitments had not delivered. i said i would. after lunch i accepted his invitation to visit his familys store. the 'store' was just one very old copy machine in a concrete room not larger than 10 square feet. nafees introduced me to his father, mohammed, whose smile told me that i was simply the most recent of nafees' many guests. he offered me tea, a common pakistani gesture of hospitality, which i should have accepted but i was eager to go as i still didnt fully trust nafees or my softening skepticism. as i left mohammed gave me a small slip of photocopied paper bearing his address. it saddened me that my impulse was to fear and distrust him. as i said thank you and waved goodbye, nafees asked me if i could return tomorrow. i said i would try. i wish i had.

the hash smoker
it was approaching midnight and i am at the foot of a small building in the tomb of sufi saint baba shah jamal. i am packed shoulder to shoulder, folded knees to knees, among a handful of foreigners and hundreds of pakistani men who mostly represent lahores poor and uneducated. my knees, in fact, are pressed against two menacing looking guys who entertain themselves by trying to communicate with us in between rolling hash cigarettes. for the five of us in closest proximity, they engage us one by one, saying a word or two in english but several more in urdu and waiting for our reaction. they inevitably laugh at us. their unnerving teasing is no doubt encouraged by our confused nods and smiles. they like the french guy. the japanese guy is silent but smiles. i admit hes charismatic and certainly gets points for his gorgeous shalwar kameez. if they like you they pass a blunt for you to toke. i know my time is coming and im reminded that im not versed in the safe words/behaviors of seasoned travlers. the main guy turns to me. hes suspicious. im not as quick to smile and he can sense my discomfort, which he might interpret as arrogance. despite being here, probably the most culturally unfamiliar and uncomfortable place ive ever been, this scenario feels familiar. i realize that i have often felt this kind of energy from men. he asks me where im from. i say america. he asks me if im a muslim. i say no. his contempt builds. he asks if im a christian. i pause and say not really. his face shows his disgust and im genuinely afraid. the french guy advises me that i should have said yes. i know he means its better to worship jesus (one of islams many prophets) than no god at all.

the moderate
on my flight from lahore to karachi i sat next to a 30-something skinny guy who lived in london for a bit but left because of the discrimination he experienced. after opening with pleasantries our conversation zeroed in on the holy land. we agreed that large swaths on both sides of the palestinian-israeli conflict are uninterested in peace since many hold an unwavering belief that their god gave the holy land to them. yielding even a pebble to the heathen would be to doubt gods promise. unfortunately, two groups who hate each other but operate from a similar mindset just wont work. if jews and muslims battle it out and kill every last one of each other, thats horrible. but what about the billions of us on the periphery who seek a political compromise that delays armageddon, if just for a bit? contemporary weapons suggest were outta luck. this is a silly point to the devout since all non-believers go to hell anyway. add to this sorry mix americas evangelical extremists, who have their own apocalyptic/millenialist traditions. leave it to americas religious wackos to help bring on the contemporary crusades whose carnage will leave but a few true believers wading through an ocean of human blood on their way to heaven to have lots of sex with lots of virgins, make jesus giggle, whatever. honestly, if youre psyched about the apocalypse and consequently do your part to bring it on (from driving like a bitch to planting bombs), i think government should protect me from you. no wonder henry viii burnt millenialists to the stake and chinas government church outlaws apocalytic themes. whats the alternative? people of questionable virtue and intelligence should not be able to use 'because god said so' to administer a nation. our founding fathers (very religious dudes, btw) tried a less extreme approach so that church and state would not mingle. their attempts to separate have failed.

back to airplane dude. this self-described moderate admits that much like the naughty muslim women on our flight who arent wearing the veil, he, too, will not enter heaven because he doesnt rise early enough each morning for prayers. now i doubt his sincerity. if he really believed everything he told me and trusted that waking up an hour earlier meant the difference between heaven and hell, home dude would set his alarm. so beyond those especially wacky... the wackiest of the wacky, are most religious people skeptical about the wisdom of bringing on the apocalypse? lets hope so.
more lahore photos here.

dining with pakistani cowboys

day two got underway just after 9 but we spent the first couple of hours trying to find me a new hotel. i was grateful that ali talked with the proprietors, thus saving me from the inflated tourist rate. eventually we found a comparably-priced place that, given my previous abode, felt like the shangri-la.

an alley in the old city

our next stop was lahores old city, a sprawling maze of fragrant narrow alleys lined with tiny shops selling everything from live fowl to plastic junk from china. looking up i saw two large falcon cages six stories high. despite the lure of the foodstalls, it didnt seem like the safest place for a foreigner to grab a bite. garbage was everywhere and either side of pathways were 8-inch-wide open-air sewer ditches filled with parasites aplenty, im sure. this part of old lahore, punctuated with spectacular architecture painted in bright pink and turquoise, has teemed for one thousand years. according to ali, wealthy lahoreites who once lived here had long since shunned this part of the city. getting lost is inevitable so it was a relief to just proceed with abandon until a couple of hours later, ali took stock of where we were and negotiated a tuktuk back to his car.

men and boys at the wagah border

from the old city we headed to the badshahi mosque. completed in 1674 by the mughals, it is one of the worlds largest with a capacity of 200,000 people. it felt strange to walk barefoot in such an enormous place. despite being a sacred space i felt no reproof from the scores of women in colorful dress who loitered about in the open air plaza with their kids.

badshahi mosque

i had read that the nearby pakistan-india border closing featured a daily show that was not to be missed. driving east towards wagah on potholed roads the incredibly thick dust clouds made the always eerie border town feel even more weird. once there we parked amidst scores of wildly festooned buses that put mtvs 'pimp my ride' to shame. since we were late we waited shoulder to shoulder with scores of men and boys outside the gate. once again the young boys found me interesting and i weighed my desire to engage with them with my desire to keep my new camera. the former won out so i showed my growing brood short video clips from thailand. while ali looked on uncomfortably the boys cheered 'beautiful!'

pimping rides pakistani style

after some shoving and yelling by four soldiers, a few of us were allowed to pass. ali and i rushed the 100 yards to the border ceremony. as each countrys most fit and handsome soldiers tried to out-kick, out-snort and out-pomp the other, the pakistani crowd cheered 'pakistan zind abad!' (long live pakistan!) while the indians hollered back their own nationalist cheer. for two supposed arch enemies, both sides seemed to be having a lot of fun.

gunsmoke

by the time we were back in lahore we were both hungry and tired. all weekend ali had insisted on paying for everything. i told him that it was korean custom for the guest to bring gifts, and since i came empty handed he had to let me take him to a nice dinner. after considerable prodding he relented and chose a hilarious spot in an upscale neighborhood. 'gunsmoke,' which advertises having 'the best chargrilled burgers and steaks south of the border,' (which border? tajikistan?) was built to resemble a wild west saloon whose handsome pakistani cowboys regularly pass by and 'rudely' cast your ashtray of peanut shells onto the floor. whoa.

lahore is an amazing place, but id say that ali and my conversations have been another highlight. the topics range wildly, from the ways young pakistani men 'flirt' with girls (by randomly dialing phone numbers hoping a nice girl picks up to writing their numbers on pieces of paper that they toss to girls riding in passing cars) to the us war on terror. inevitably, at times we catch each other making generalizations about each others nations.

inside the old city

its clear that what ali wants most is for me to leave understanding that pakistan (like everywhere else) is multi-layered. on my end, it saddens me when the friendly lahoreites exuberance fades when i tell them that im american. since disclosing this hasnt threatened my safety i feel an obligation to be honest and i hope to be one more example of an american who shares their disappointment with many of my nations policies. yes, the pervasive poverty and lack of education breeds radicals and terrorists here, but most pakistanis (like everyone else) are kind people who want to be happy.

homes outside the lahore fort

ali talks a lot about terrorism. yesterday, while we were at the fort he pointed to an unremarkable brick building in a poor neighborhood. alerting me to some speakers set on its roof he said it was yet another makeshift mosque in a nation addicted to raising mosques. it seemed comical to me since the huge badshahi mosque was around the corner, but ali got riled up describing how these mosques were typically run by self-appointed, third-rate mullahs who fueled radical and violent activity among their poor and uneducated faithful, thus breeding terrorists that ravage pakistan as well as the west.

damn straight.

its ironic that its the uneducated and impoverished teenage boys that are the demographic for terrorist recruiting, especially since they are the ones who have made the most effort to engage with me via their toothy smiles or by shouting 'hello, how are you?' as they pass on their bicycles. what ive experienced from them is only curiosity, kindness and warmth, even when i can see them politely hiding their disappointment that im american. my experiences here suggest that it takes a lot to antagonize these people. for the most part, if we do we should consider how our compounded actions have conspired against us.
more lahore photos here.

in the mughals garden

the bloody partition of india into predominately muslim and hindu nations also split the fertile region of punjab into pakistani and indian parts. today punjab province boasts over half of pakistans 132 million people with lahore as its cultural, intellectual, artistic and municipal capital.

lahore street

tho the first reliable remarks about lahore were documented by chinese traveller hsuan tsang in 630 ad, legend goes that lahore was named after king lav, the son of the hindu god rama. this cradle of civilization has been home to many peoples, 'starting' with the indus and aryans (whose vedic religion formed the basis for hinduism), alexander the great (whose soldiers legacy is supposedly reflected in the kalash peoples light hair, fair skin and blue eyes), and the bactrians and mauryas (who settled and promoted buddhism). in 711 mohammad bin qasim introduced islam to the heart of the subcontinent. more recent history saw lahore in the hands of the flamboyant mughals during the 16th and 17th centuries, followed by british colonial rule and finally partition and independence by 1947.

lahore fort (shahi qila)

ali and i connected around 11 and started our 2-day grand tour. by now im familiar with crazy and dangerous driving conditions so lahores traffic madness wasnt especially remarkable. actually, after having navigated most cities on foot, bike or moped, i felt downright invincible inside a car driven by a local. ali suggested that we first visit the impressive lahore fort (shahi qila), which had been built, destroyed and rebuilt for centuries before it took its current form by emperor akbar in 1566.

inside the lahore fort (shahi qila)

the massive complex was fairly rundown, but sporadic restoration work was underway on some of the most spectacular sections and it was still impressive to see what faint frescoes and tile work remained despite centuries of exposure. my favorite section was a large hall whose walls and ceilings were once completely adorned with small mirrors. i can only imagine how brilliant it was when illuminated by candles or torch during the night. one side entrances wide, gentle incline was built to accommodate elephants - yet another indication of a different time and place.

white and gold gurdwara of arjan dev

near the forts grand entry is the gurdwara of arjan dev, a special temple for sikhisms 5th guru and an important pilgrimage site for mostly indian sikhs. we didnt enter the temple as busses from india were ushering through loads of devout pilgrims for what was an important sikh holiday. ali pointed to the busses and the preservation of the sikh gurdwara as important goodwill gestures by the pakistani government towards its indian rival.

i was hungry and since infidels like me cant access the giant mosque during prayers, we grabbed lunch. along the way ali chuckled at a sign congratulating north korea on its recent nuclear missile test. pakistan,

lahore museum

whose nuclear program has been called 'the islamic bomb' by the islamophobic west, knows nuclear pariah status well. shortly after we reached the lahore museum, an impressive red brick structure built by the brits that includes one of the worlds finest collections of gandhara and mughal art. inside we enjoyed several exhibits displaying early hindu and buddhist art, beautiful small paintings depicting glamorous mughal life and elaborate weaponry. i especially enjoyed the distinctive ancient shoes and intricate and colorful textiles from pakistans rugged northern areas.

shalimar garden

we ended the day at shalimar gardens where ali was surprised and upset by the parks 800% price gouge targeting foreign visitors (tho it was still only a couple bucks). he felt this fee discrepancy contradicted the muslim tenet of hospitality. although run down today, at its peak i bet the gardens could rival the hanging gardens of babylon! the massive park was enclosed by high walls and featured a series of three huge terraces that were decorated with elaborate formal ponds and dormant fountains. a popular venue for handsomely dressed families, i noticed that most of the children had what looked like black eye liner surrounding their eyes. when i asked ali about their 'makeup' he said it was due to malnutrition. the park also drew small groups of teenage boys who found me an endlessly curious anomaly. while trying to photograph the sun setting behind a garden wall, a couple of them entered my frame. thinking they were the subject of some chinese tourists snapshot one of them snapped his own momento of me via his camera phone. why not? i was the more exotic sight. when i asked ali about the conspicuous absence of young girls to complement the gaggles of boys, his explanation was nonsensical. sure, pakistan is a relatively conservative, muslim nation that frowns on pre-marital co-mingling of the sexes, but i wondered if his evasiveness was rooted in his desire to avoid reinforcing common stereotypes. it reminded me of similar conversations with my mormon friend and made me think about how people respond once theyre weary of being perceived as fringe wackos.

no doubt lahore is the most uncomfortable and unfamiliar place ive been so far. i feel culturally illiterate, phenotypically conspicuous and politically vulnerable here. but thank gawd for it all.
more lahore photos here.

privileged access

post-nap i tried calling ali, my couchsurfing.com contact. after listening to urdu recordings presumably telling me what i was doing wrong on my awfully expensive gsm world phone, we connected. on his way to work ali stopped by to welcome me to lahore. a young IT whiz who was raised in an affluent family and schooled by jesuits, he was calm, good humored and had impeccable english. lucky for me, hes also taking tomorrow off so he can take me to sights unseen since his boyhood. im especially grateful to have a local host this time around.

regale inn proprieter, malik shams
photo by swati maheshwariof

when ali left i decided to take a walk. given most peoples modest, loose-fitting garb, i retired my homo-tight jeans and shirts in favor of looser corduroy slacks and a collared shirt. walking along the main drag in clothing that left more to the imagination, i tried not to injest the thick clouds of vehicle exhaust that languished in the air. to this end i purchased two hankerchiefs and moistened them before placing them over my nose and mouth. after a few minutes i found lahores only backpacker hostel. for the first time on my trip i wanted to be among other travellers, rather than locals. but as i passed them on the stairs and lingered awkwardly amongst them in the cramped 'lobby' that doubled as the office, it was obvious that my garb and demeanor werent fluent in their ways. in their presence i felt uptight, anti-social, and too concerned with technical details. clearly these backpackers were legit, ernest practioners of the vagabond lifestyle.

despite the gulf between us, lonely planet devotes an entire praising page to the regales proprieter, malik karammat shams. i was eager to meet him and inquire about the activities that i had read so much about. malik supported struggling musicians during his days as a journalist and now they thank him by allowing foreigners privileged access to sacred spaces. every thursday he takes guests to special venues without charge. even tho i wasnt staying at the hostel he kindly told me to come back at 2 pm.

4 horses

a coupla hours later 12 of us boarded 4 tuktuks. i sat with two young women, a friendly kiwi who had been in pakistan for the past 3 months and a korean who had made her way here (solo) from cairo. even in their modest hijab the three of us attracted considerable attention along our drive. 15 minutes later we arrived at the shrine of data ganj bakhsh hajveri, a large complex flanked by two towering minarets resembling spears. we left our shoes at the entrance and walked down stairs into a cool, large basement. malik led us to the front of the many rows of men who gathered each thursday to watch qawwali ( قوٌالی ) (islamic devotional singing).

qawwali performers
photo by swati maheshwariof

for the next coupla hours, we saw several qawwali troupes perform. each of them had 1-3 primary singers, as well as drummers and someone playing what appeared to function like an accordion. during the performances, men in the audience would take turns flattering each other by placing gaudy flower leis over the heads of distinguished arrivals. these men would kiss the lei and keep it only briefly before bestowing it upon someone else. audience members were encouraged to hand 10 rupee notes to a man who circled the crowd gathering tips for the performers. men with more to spend would approach the stage and shower rupees onto other mens bowed heads in a show of goodwill. another man misted us of sweet-smelling rose water while handfulls of very sticky, sweet candy were passed around. by the second hour the most impressive groups performance inspired some in the audience to shake their heads vigorously as they succumbed to a trance-like state.

taken by the moment
photo by swati maheshwariof

at 9 pm i returned to regale for part 2: whats been called 'sufi night'. sufism is islamic mysticism especially popular among the poor. thinking they are too sinful to contact god directly, practioners communicate with god through saints, or sufis. this can be done thru ecstatic and transcendent dance. although sufism can be found throughout the islamic world, many conservatives disdain the pervasive hash smoking and say its focus on saints is un-islamic. but for several centuries, reknown dhol (drum) players have performed at the tomb of sufi saint baba shah jamal every thursday. again, thanks to maliks kindness and network, we were granted unusual access to pakistani culture.

dhol artist, pappu sain
photo by yasuo osakabe

we climbed a crumbling staircase to a small foyer that was surrounded by modest buildings and covered by a low canopy of trees. hundreds of pakistani men sat on the ground cramped together. for several hours they sat and chat. many of them rolled and smoked hash blunts while others puffed from what resembled an industrial size houka. after some initial performances, pappu sain, a massive, bearded man who is among the most esteemed traditional dhol ( ڈھول ) players in the world, slung his drum over his shoulder and began producing a hypnotic beat. in short order some of the men in the audience nodded their heads to the rhythm - first slowly and then furiously - and, seemingly spellbound, men would stand and gravitate towards pappu sain. one young boy (maybe 10?) accompanied the drumming with a haunting song made more so given what felt like a very adult environment. this boy wielded surprising authority, choosing which revelers could approach pappu sain and roughly shoving away those that could not. the hours of hypnotic beats, the singing, the hundreds of tightly packed bodies and the hash smoke created a spiritual and other-worldly space.
more lahore photos here.

pakistan: the inauspicious start

to be fair i did little to encourage positive first impressions of pakistan. i took media reports of radical islam and department of state travel advisories to heart. i sandwiched my week on the subcontinent between the playground of bangkok and the home ground of seoul. 'anywhere but here' seemed like a probable reaction as i arrived in karachi after midnight. my environs were made all the more weird since i appeared to be the only non-pakistani on the plane.

i made my way out of immigration and customs mumbling asalaam aleikums and shukriyas to polite security personnel. at the domestic departures gate i discovered that my e-tickets to lahore had been mysteriously cancelled. what followed was a first hand account of how pakistanis mob ticket windows in lieu of forming an orderly queue. with 6 hours until my flight, i wasnt in a hurry so i took my bags to a gaggle of chairs filled with tired men dressed in khaki-colored shalwar kameez (tunic/trouser combos) and women sleeping prostrate atop cardboard dressed in colorful hijab. i felt incredibly conspicuous as this half-korean american dude slumped over his trekker-style backpack outisde the karachi airport in the wee hours of the morning. as folks stared it felt dumb to pretend that i wasnt the elephant in the room and doing so made me feel less safe so i made eye contact, unashamedly read my lonely planet and listened to my ipod. as the cricket game played on the small tv to my left, i stole brief bits of slobbery sleep.

after an unremarkable flight to lahore i wasnt eager to negotiate third world taxi scams. nevertheless two guys claiming to be brothers took me aboard as i gauged what was worse, their sour smelling pits or choking on the yellow smog outside. our first stop was a fully booked hostel recommended by lonely planet. after a long trip, hearing that your intended bed is unavailable is unwelcome news. back in the taxi stop #2 was anxiously off the beaten track. the proprietor (clearly in kahoots) quoted me 5000 rupees (usd85) per night straight faced, despite the fact there was a man sleeping on 'my' bed and the hostel was usd7. as i politely declined i wondered about my fate. i ventured to the third stop with my drivers licking their chops and my negotiating power nearly eliminated. these men that were once brothers started getting nasty. now at code orange i insisted they take me to the guide book-endorsed indus hotel. despite resembling a bombed ruin with ubiquitous rubble and a second floor that was only exposed mud and cinderblock, at this point i was relieved to escape their shifty company. as i exited they demanded tips- one for each of them. i declined, almost eager for an excuse to become violent.

my room was filthy. curiously, the bathrooms three water contraptions operated simultaneously. not that there were soap or towels anyway, but if you turned on the sink the shower would spray the floor and the toilet would enthusiastically flush. clearly fatigue was exacerbating my cranky mood. even the commotion of busy lahore and doves coo-ing outside my window couldnt keep me upright. i looked at the adventure that was my bed, removed the top blanket, inspected what looked like reasonably clean sheets, and napped still wearing what i hoped were cootie-blocking jeans and socks. at some point during my nap a pigeon hopped in, pecked open my bag of chips, and left, unbeknownst to me. after my nap i purchased a phone card from an angry knowitall vendor whose intelligence didnt include knowing that the card and my phone were incompatible. he refused a refund. back in my shoddy diggs and feeling sorry for myself i scoured my travel docs for a list of cathay pacific flights back to bangkok. no doubt it was an inauspicious start to my time on the subcontinent.
more lahore photos here.