3 encounters with fear

nafees
i wandered a few blocks down a dusty road until my path was blocked by an impassable jam of cars, tuktuks, mopeds, humans and animals. i thought the scene might make for a good snapshot. as i pulled out my camera a young man told me to put it away, lest it attract theives. immediately i tried to decode his scam while accepting his extended hand and warm smile. he introduced himself as nafees and asked me where i was from and where i was going. i told him i was american and looking for some lunch. he led me to an open air restaurant of sorts where a bare hand placed yellow rice, chapati and tasty lentil curry onto my plate. i was happy to sit and eat despite assuming that a sales pitch was about to begin. looking up from my food nafees was beaming and proceded to say that he loved meeting foreigners, that he was the youngest of four sons, that his family was poor but he did not seek my charity. finally, he levied his one request: could i please mail him a postcard from the states? most of the other travellers who had made similar commitments had not delivered. i said i would. after lunch i accepted his invitation to visit his familys store. the 'store' was just one very old copy machine in a concrete room not larger than 10 square feet. nafees introduced me to his father, mohammed, whose smile told me that i was simply the most recent of nafees' many guests. he offered me tea, a common pakistani gesture of hospitality, which i should have accepted but i was eager to go as i still didnt fully trust nafees or my softening skepticism. as i left mohammed gave me a small slip of photocopied paper bearing his address. it saddened me that my impulse was to fear and distrust him. as i said thank you and waved goodbye, nafees asked me if i could return tomorrow. i said i would try. i wish i had.

the hash smoker
it was approaching midnight and i am at the foot of a small building in the tomb of sufi saint baba shah jamal. i am packed shoulder to shoulder, folded knees to knees, among a handful of foreigners and hundreds of pakistani men who mostly represent lahores poor and uneducated. my knees, in fact, are pressed against two menacing looking guys who entertain themselves by trying to communicate with us in between rolling hash cigarettes. for the five of us in closest proximity, they engage us one by one, saying a word or two in english but several more in urdu and waiting for our reaction. they inevitably laugh at us. their unnerving teasing is no doubt encouraged by our confused nods and smiles. they like the french guy. the japanese guy is silent but smiles. i admit hes charismatic and certainly gets points for his gorgeous shalwar kameez. if they like you they pass a blunt for you to toke. i know my time is coming and im reminded that im not versed in the safe words/behaviors of seasoned travlers. the main guy turns to me. hes suspicious. im not as quick to smile and he can sense my discomfort, which he might interpret as arrogance. despite being here, probably the most culturally unfamiliar and uncomfortable place ive ever been, this scenario feels familiar. i realize that i have often felt this kind of energy from men. he asks me where im from. i say america. he asks me if im a muslim. i say no. his contempt builds. he asks if im a christian. i pause and say not really. his face shows his disgust and im genuinely afraid. the french guy advises me that i should have said yes. i know he means its better to worship jesus (one of islams many prophets) than no god at all.

the moderate
on my flight from lahore to karachi i sat next to a 30-something skinny guy who lived in london for a bit but left because of the discrimination he experienced. after opening with pleasantries our conversation zeroed in on the holy land. we agreed that large swaths on both sides of the palestinian-israeli conflict are uninterested in peace since many hold an unwavering belief that their god gave the holy land to them. yielding even a pebble to the heathen would be to doubt gods promise. unfortunately, two groups who hate each other but operate from a similar mindset just wont work. if jews and muslims battle it out and kill every last one of each other, thats horrible. but what about the billions of us on the periphery who seek a political compromise that delays armageddon, if just for a bit? contemporary weapons suggest were outta luck. this is a silly point to the devout since all non-believers go to hell anyway. add to this sorry mix americas evangelical extremists, who have their own apocalyptic/millenialist traditions. leave it to americas religious wackos to help bring on the contemporary crusades whose carnage will leave but a few true believers wading through an ocean of human blood on their way to heaven to have lots of sex with lots of virgins, make jesus giggle, whatever. honestly, if youre psyched about the apocalypse and consequently do your part to bring it on (from driving like a bitch to planting bombs), i think government should protect me from you. no wonder henry viii burnt millenialists to the stake and chinas government church outlaws apocalytic themes. whats the alternative? people of questionable virtue and intelligence should not be able to use 'because god said so' to administer a nation. our founding fathers (very religious dudes, btw) tried a less extreme approach so that church and state would not mingle. their attempts to separate have failed.

back to airplane dude. this self-described moderate admits that much like the naughty muslim women on our flight who arent wearing the veil, he, too, will not enter heaven because he doesnt rise early enough each morning for prayers. now i doubt his sincerity. if he really believed everything he told me and trusted that waking up an hour earlier meant the difference between heaven and hell, home dude would set his alarm. so beyond those especially wacky... the wackiest of the wacky, are most religious people skeptical about the wisdom of bringing on the apocalypse? lets hope so.
more lahore photos here.