looking local

guess what? im back in bangkok for a hot minute ;)

another airport goodbye

prior to leaving the states if you had asked me to predict the country where my face would most fit in i would have quickly said thailand. yet now that im here, even sporting a very local yellow polo shirt professing my love for their king i aint foolin many. it was viet nam where i was most often assumed to be a local with singapore a distant second. in malaysia i was chinese (except for that strange 'papi' incident in penang), and in taipei and bali i was japanese. previous experiences have told me that koreans cant fathom im one of their own. despite the diversity of facial features and skin tones among thais, one of my friends friends made the perennially shocking contention that i looked white.

being korean and white but never perceived as both is sometimes fun, frustrating, and always familiar. its also typical that no two people see the same ingredients in my racial recipe, yet are incredulous at the prospect of anyone seeing something different. the reality is that what people see in my face says much more about their experiences than what i look like.

growing up without a consistent racial team has made me assume there are many membership privileges to those whose faces fit. in my attempts to taste the sweet nectar of inclusion i am a keen observer of cultural nuance and a talented mimic. i enjoy peoples reactions of surprise and pleasure when i say or do something they expect only from one of their own, but 28 years attached to this face ultimately has me finding an identity centered around not fitting in. im totally ok with that.
more bangkok photos here

sampling bangkok glam

a fat and tired baby pants rested his cheek on the cold kitchen floor. the chill conspired with pressure from an ear infection to make half of his face collapse. mommy didnt take photos of her paralyzed cripple-chile for a few months. surgery helped, but all future photos featured a lopsided, half-toothy, half-squinting smile. years later he would dread school photo day and felt bad ruining high school dance portraits.

having my photo taken has always caused anxiety. ironically a big part of my last job was doing interviews and photoshoots. tho my deformed mug has moderated over the years my grin remains crooked. to avoid my funky snarl i created a media beam a few years back. 1) smile naturally, then 2) lower the right side of my lower lip. ive been told that my natural smile resembles a mischievious smirk. some have found it unnerving, commenting that it seems like im making fun of them. not coincidentally my personality is also sarcastic, mischievious and joking. while my deformity is endearing to some, its not great material for the camera.

but im vain and because its silly, flattering and unlikely to ever happen again, i responded to a request from khun o'sira kulsrethsiri (thailands self-described best makeup artist and style specialist) who saw my fridae profile and wanted me to visit his model story studio while i was in bangkok. it was a humbling rather than glamorous experience. no matter how hard they tried, the carnage from my viet haircut wasnt cute. makeup concentrated on concealing my hyper pigmentation and pimples. the photographer instructed me to reveal only my right side and to suck in my stomach while i projected a manually altered smile. after i left my snapshots would undergo the added disgrace of prodigious photoshop retouching, all done to make me palatable to this cruel cruel beautiful world. my consolation prize was being told not to worry since some shoots werent looking for beautiful faces but guys with a 'normal look.' thanks! luckily my dream is to be an uncute model.

a couple of days later my buddy khunakorn invited me to the opening of bangkok fashion week. tho somewhat fabulous the event felt second or third tier. but i got to see real models work the walk with next top model ambition. the pageantry! the superfluous pomp! among the gals was one full-asian, a few mixed breeds but the majority were damn-near-albino white. thailand definitely prefers caucasian nobodys in lieu of local lookers. sigh. if only i was full-white. then my life would be perfect. not really. anyhow, i got my snapshot of bangkok glam. it was short term fun, but ive had my fill.
more bangkok photos here.