retirement: year one

today marks one year since i quit my job. strangely the 12 months since hasnt felt especially short or long. my instinct is to say that this post-mavin transition is taking too long - that i should already be in korea, forming a new company or have a book deal in hand. despite this overfunctioning antsy-ness, this time last year i told myself the time off would be good despite inevitable sadness, boredom, confusion, loneliness and the like. now im being challenged to believe it.

good memories from masian foundasian

no doubt retirement has had its ups and downs (the obvious perks are not being a boss or working unhealthy hours ;). whats been both liberating and confusing is taking off my mavin identity and retiring it to the bin of past selves... the pianist, the plant man, the social worker. somewhat comforting is that at one point those identities felt equally dominant.

what individuals create says something about them, but shouldnt be mistaken for them. i want my presence alone to convey who i am. to that end, its been enlightening to see how i took for granted the way my job and history commanded peoples respect, and why i relied too heavily on it to lubricate my interactions. now, as i stumble through the latest 'what do you do?' question (its my new 'what are you?') i catch myself making obnoxious comments that expose my insecurity and opportunities for growth.

while i try to be conscious of the ways that im changing i see my friendships also changing and those people reacting differently to me. its helped me see the daunting amounts of time and energy i expend trying to connect with people only to invest an equal effort to neglect or actively dissolve the same relationships. i wish id channel that energy into more productive pursuits.

in sum i guess that the past year has been exactly what its 'supposed' to be (my life the cliche will expose itself under 5 more minutes of scrutiny). doing something supposedly risky like moving abroad with little to no plan also feels appropriate, if not predictable. even if i havent been particularly happy lately, ive been more aware. as long as this path doesnt lead me to the most hackneyed destination of reasonably intelligent people - the existential abyss - im gravy.

chilly in hotlanta

purple half-koreans

its been some time since i told my girl cindy that id visit her in atlanta. with korea coming up and presidents day guaranteeing her a 3-day teachers weekend, i booked a flight. cindy was one of my first employees way back when we bonded over our dysfunctional half-korean families and an unparalleled ability to get goofy in each others company. shes always been special to me, perhaps best expressed in my consistent (but generally unfamiliar) role as friendship maintainer, despite her periodic attempts of sabotage.

anti-miscegenation laws

experiencing atlantas segregated nightlife and spelunking through the little 5 points and virginia highlands neighborhoods was fun. seeing groups of korean tourists at ebenezer baptist church and the king center was a nice surprise. being unprepared for how several years apart had changed each other and our friendship was... difficult, not priceless. i hate how mastercard has appropriated the several sentences started with gerunds format. anyhow, our convoluted communication routine means im not sure to what extent she also noticed our changed dynamic but we feel different and im apprehensive to see where we go next.

happy new year!

heres wishing all yall a happy, healthy and prosperous year of the golden boar! gool gool! like your korean pig taught ya.

nine weeks til soko

after considerable rigamarole figuring out work dates with clients and trying to find days when i could use my frequent flier miles to soko (south korea), my nine-ish weeks before leaving the usa are set.

yes to atlanta, boston, new york, seattle, sf and honkers; no to honolulu and europe (if youre interested in a roundtrip flight to europe with 3 nights hotel for just $449+, go here).

if were simultaneously in any of these locales, lets rumble:

2/17-20: atlanta
3/20-24: seattle
3/25-27: boston
4/11-18: new york
4/21-23: san francisco
4/25: hong kong
4:26-> seoul

im mildly concerned that my life of late seems to be periods of more or less ennui punctuated by trip preparation.

now: only for the young

one must only watch the (boring) live broadcast of space shuttles landing on every major tv station to know that a different generation decides whats on air and consequently stunts the mediums creativity. perhaps thats why there are hundreds of channels with very little on thats worth watching. one must only hear/read/watch the awkward mentions of 'blogs' and 'youtube' by reporters to know 'current' news is obsolete. no wonder youngins eschew the news and make their own media. theyd be bored silly otherwise.

hapy vday!

80 degree swing

located 48 km south of the bahamas and just north of hispanola, turks and caicos is 40 islands set amongst the worlds 3rd largest reef. about 15000 'belongers' call them home. they are reportedly descended from 193 slaves whose ship trouvadore wrecked off east caicos in 1841.

abandoned ship

given the delightfully warm temps (fully 80 degrees warmer than where i left) and delicious breezes, it seems bratty to frown while napping under casuarina trees in the porch hammock, tummy full from gorging on fritters made from endangered caribbean queen conch (relax, theyre farmed here). saying anything other than 'its been wonderful' seems awfully spoilt after spending an afternoon fishing off the reef or seeing the shallow water illuminated by millions of glowworms 5 days after a full moon.

siblings

but for some reason this hasnt been the vacation i imagined. despite my sisters inlaws hospitality, i still feel tense being in someone elses home- involuntarily shuffling in and out of their family drama. but it aint all that. i can tell that even in solitude id feel this weird tightness in my torso whose cause i cannot pinpoint. all said its been good to be reunited with zuzu and sissy, to have started and finished a novel (been a while) and to get some color despite my prodigious application of sunscreen because although black dont crack, off-white do.

dangerous crap

'freedom writers' documents the heroic struggles of a noble white teacher in the belly of the beast: an innercity high school classroom teeming with black and brown gangbangers.

sound familiar? probably because its one of hollywoods favorite cliches. the movies title references the civil rights movement. so hillary swank is like a white mlk? as if our white brothers and sisters havent received enough credit for their community work. i, for one, have little patience for people who appropriate struggle, feign humility and then grab the reigns and reinforce oppression under the guise of "social justice".

in my experience as both a student and as an education consultant, a more compelling (yet never told) tale follows the intrepid brown teacher who is humiliated by an affluent, suburban, predominately white private school where institutionalized isms abound, and bitchy bored moms in tracksuits run amok. id pay to see it.